Life with Games

What would life be without them?

Super Smash Brothers Brawl

Upskirt 1 Remember that game for the N64 where Nintendo put a bunch of its first (and some third) party characters up against each other in a unique style of fighting game? It was called Super Smash Brothers. The game ended up being one of the reasons why people bought an N64. It had a successor, named SSB Melee, that also was the only reason people bought the Nintendo console at the time, the Gamecube. Granted it had some upgrades, but it was practically the same game. Now the only reason for most people to own a Wii is the next sequel, SSB Brawl. Brawl has a ton of features, more than most games developed today, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it deserves the high ratings and praises it receives.

Friend Codes! Friend Codes. I can’t exactly blame the game on this, more of the company. But since there’s a special friend code just for SSBB, I will focus on it. The lack of any type of friends list, ability to give yourself a name and not a number, to be able to add by that name and send messages, are exactly why Nintendo is losing when it comes to the online gaming industry. Everything is so informal and the only way you know you are playing against a real person is the whopping 5-character name you can give yourself.

Chatting it up Not to mention that name isn’t unique to you, but chances are there could be 4 people in the same game all with the same name, if the player’s wanted to do that. The “chat abilities” are equally as sad, with a bunch of pre-determined chat options to say, and more importantly, lack of voice chat. Nintendo is obviously trying to make sure they don’t get in trouble with 23-year-old Nintendo fanboys cursing at the 12-year-olds for which the Wii was made. All they need to do is charge for “big boys” to use a real system like the 360, with voice chat, unique names, the works. Most people would pay for voice chat, no one wants to stop and pick a chat option in the middle of a fight.

Wiimote Wiimote and NunchuckThose are only my pet peeves with the online “capabilities”. The game itself has plenty of issues that reviewers overlook. Take for instance, as you can see to the left and right, the Wiimote, with and without nunchuck. Many games that come out for the Wii are hit hard in reviews when a game plays like shit because it’s development wasn’t completely revolving around how the Wiimote will play with the game. The game could have everything else great about it, but since the controller sucked, it got a horrible rating. So what about SSBB? Why does it get different treatment? Because you can use a Gamecube (OLD SYSTEM) controller or the classic controller instead? Unacceptable. Games should be reviewed using the most common form of controller that the consumer will be using or own, in this case, the Wiimote with or without the nunchuck. How does SSBB play with the Wiimote alone? Absolutely horrible. No matter what button configuration you set up, it is still total trash. Now, when you add the nunchuck, it’s not as bad, but still not as ideal as playing it with a standard type of controller. The fact that Nintendo had to make this game compatible with the classic and Gamecube controllers proves that they knew their “revolutionary” controller had absolutely no good use when it came to genres of gaming that aren’t “shoot a dart where you point the controller” and “swing a stick”.

Upskirt 2 Another thing I noticed about this game, as with most Wii games, is a lot of its success is based on the fanboy love for classic characters. I will give Nintendo credit in that they do add new characters to each SSB game they make, but the ability to “play my favorite character and fight other favorite characters” is pretty much the only reason why it’s a big hit. That has been the case for all successful Wii games in general. Now I can’t really blame Nintendo for this, because clearly all fans of Nintendo want to see the same characters, and that sells, so why would they stop making the same game over and over? Sure I am complaining about how stupid it is, but I also bought the game! I don’t know what I expected to get out of it, the new single player campaign is not too bad, but besides that, it’s the same as the last game! I played this game for one weekend, including with three of my friends, and I felt like I was playing the same game I played almost a decade ago. Same button combos with all characters (attack + direction, special + direction, hold either to sometimes charge up a powerful attack), same main characters, same basic level design based on areas from each character’s game(s). I was entertained for a few hours to check out all of the new levels and try some new characters, but after that I just couldn’t make myself turn the Wii back on to play more. Don’t you people get tired of the exact same game? At least when an FPS gets a sequel the story is different and the levels are considerably different.

How’d she fit those breasts in that metal suit? How about them boobs, huh? Seriously, nothing better than giving the Nintendo fanboys something to beat off to or write more fan fics about. Samus was a pretty badass character in her games, and then when you find out she’s a chick, you are like “Whoa, that is one badass chick.” It seems like Nintendo realized that Metroid titles were for the older Nintendo fans, so they decided to give her a nice pair of gazongas and a skin-tight suit for this game, and she turns into just another bubbly video game female. I love 3D breasts as much as the next guy, but I fear for the guys who are older than me that haven’t touched a girl in their life. They already take screenshots like you’ve seen in this article, upskirts of characters we were introduced to when they were EIGHT BIT. They will spend time and effort to get shots like this, and the only reason I can see is for them to pleasure themselves to “family friendly” video game characters. Who is to blame for this? Nintendo of course. Some sad lonely developer decided that it’d be a good idea to allow this skirt to be penetrated so players could get a quick glimpse of Peach’s hot pants. The guy in the neighboring cube saw this and responded with “Not bad, but did you see the tits I gave Samus?”

Alright, I have been pretty harsh on this game so far, but as you see I labeled this game overhyped, not hated. Super Smash Brothers games will always be fun in short durations over spans of time. Maybe a few hours on the weekend but nothing more. I buy Zelda games because I love the characters, but I also love how the world is usually completely different than the last game. Even if the areas are named the same, they look different. This game’s levels all have unique features about them, but there are usually only one or two, and they get old about the third time you play it. The single player campaign was a fresh idea, and allowed people with no friend to feel like they were actually getting their money’s worth on this game. Same with the on-line, regardless of how much I ranted about it. In the end, it’s still on-line play, and that’s better than nothing.

The lack of complex moves is an issue I discussed earlier, but that also adds to the fun of the game. You don’t have to memorize long combos to win at this game, and anybody can pick it up and learn quickly. But there still is a sense of strategy, because blocking takes skill to master. There is also the “Challenges” board that is like SSBB’s own little achievement system. Knowing myself, those drive me nuts, so I naturally got as many as I could before I stopped playing. I might pick it up again to try to get some later, but some are ridiculous. There’s no way I plan on playing over 100 hours of SSBB.

So in conclusion, this game is still a lot of fun, and it deserves a high rating for its features, but I just do not feel it should be in the 90% or higher range due to a lot of issues were overlooked just because it was a hyped Nintendo game, and most reviewers grew up loyal to them.

Images from Kotaku and IGN.

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